


An Open Letter

by TurntechLoveThis (angelcult)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bittersweet, Gen, Letters, Parent Death, Sad John Egbert, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcult/pseuds/TurntechLoveThis
Summary: John writes a letter to his Dad, one last time.
Kudos: 19





	An Open Letter

_ Dear Dad, _

_ I just wanted to let you know that we did it. _

_ We beat the game.  _

_ Something tells me that you always knew what was going to happen, you knew that you would die. Kanaya told me that as a direct result of this game, we couldn’t have Guardians, only each other.  _

_ I’m not mad at you for never telling me. You knew our time together wasn’t going to last and well, I sort of hate you for it. (I’ve learned that hate can exist without anger, isn’t that interesting?) _

_ I hate that I only had thirteen years and I can’t even remember all of them, I hate this game, I hate that you’re just  _ **_gone_ ** ,” the paper rips from pressing down to hard with the pen and John’s sob catches in his throat, but he keeps writing.

_ “You left me all alone. I needed you, I think we all needed our parents but I REALLY needed you. I hate what this game did to me.  _

_ I’m not a strong person because of it, I am weak and I am sad all the time and my friends are always worried and I’m worried for them because I can’t move on because I’m a GOD now and gods can’t  _ **die.**

_ I can’t die, Dad, and even though Jane can bring you back, I can’t stomach having to see you dead again. _

_ I never got to say I love you that day, I just.. Yelled at you because I was sick of all the cake and the harlequins and I was so angry all the time? I was angry at you? I was angry at MYSELF?? _

_ I was tired of being angry all the time. _

_ And I yelled at you and I ruined the cakes you made and then I never said I love you and I love you so much and I hate that you’re gone and I hate this letter. _

_ Anyway. _

_ It’s a few years late, but  _

_ I love you, Dad. _

_ — Sincerely, John  _

  
  


John stared down at the letter, too open and wounded still to read it over, instead choosing to slide it into his desk and sit back down.

He rested his head in his hands and cried softly, he cried a lot nowadays, but this somehow felt worse.

He doesn’t care that he’s a hero, or a god, or a savior, he’s only sixteen, he’s  _ only sixteen.  _

He’s just a kid and the world is on his shoulders.

John, once again, wishes his dad were there to hold him.

For now, he’ll settle for leaving the letter in his desk drawer that he’ll forget until he needs to, once again, remember.


End file.
